You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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