I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
