Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
