I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will pee on everything he values.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
