oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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