I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
