I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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