At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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