btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
