Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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