Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
