He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
