butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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