Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
