shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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