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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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