yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
