my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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