I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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