So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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