I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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