just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
