She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
