Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
