so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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