The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
