So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
