I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize