Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
