Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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