you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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