i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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