he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
