i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
