Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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