i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
well you can't waste a boner
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
