At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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