Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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