How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
