I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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