So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
well, you know. whores of a feather.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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