I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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