my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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