Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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