I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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