Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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