I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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