We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
