ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
