I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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