He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
where are my eyebrows?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
