Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
