My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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