how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
