it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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