hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
