Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
