Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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