I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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