maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
