So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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