Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
