If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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