In America we eat man semen.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
