hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
