I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
