it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
