Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
