Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
