He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
