Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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