Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
