and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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