Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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