seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
