What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
