And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
