it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
