The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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