May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
