I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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