we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
