My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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