She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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