New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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