I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
