Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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