He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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