hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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