If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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