I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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