I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
