im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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