she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
